Well, when I say “widespread”, I might be exaggerating. It mostly just caused me to panic. But with good reason, I think. The headline was “Zombies come alive in new university course“*.
What an utterly horrifying thought.
And yet it was completely false, for which I think the Columbus Dispatch should be reprimanded and forced to pay retribution to their victims (namely me). If you took the 35 seconds to read it, you’ll have noticed that the story actually deals with the infinitely less terrifying prospect of students studying fictional (or presumably fictional) zombie accounts in film and literature.
Misleading headline notwithstanding, I find the actual report somewhat encouraging. First off, it suggests a mainstream acceptance of the inevitability of the impending Zombie Apocalypse. Second, it also hints at the possibility of a growing trend in academic study of the same. I have already written about mathematic studies into the impact of and defence strategy regarding an outbreak of zombie or zombie-like infection; we now have interdisciplinary studies taking place, which can only result in a greater understanding of what is to come. Finally, and perhaps most positive, this article confirms that in a time of uncertainty – economic recession, war, prejudicial madness, general controversy over anything ever thought, planned, or undertaken – news regarding the study of the Zombie Apocalypse is considered important enough to be posted on the internet.
That’s right, the official location of all the news that’s fit to print (and is 100% accurate), and it plays host yet again to zombie-related stories.
The world is slowly coming around to the mentality of irrational panic and semi-insanity necessary in accepting the reality of, and planning for, the Zombie Apocalypse. As the number of zombie-related news articles online increases, so does the number of people who, like myself and hopefully my many loyal readers, see the truth envisioned in countless zombie movies and similar literature produced in recent decades. They shall be the prepared, and that state of constant hyper-vigilance and twitchy anxiety just might be helps them become one of the final few humans fighting for survival in a post-Apocalyptic wasteland.
And then they will thank me for revealing the truth to them in time…
Neighbourhood Zombie Watch 
You! You believe in Zombies, right? We believe (Me and my six friends) we may be under attack! Yeah, you may think i sound like some stupid loon, and tomorrow it will turn out it was nothing. We heard someone scream, We saw two murders reported on the news. We have BB Guns, sticks, screwdrivers. We have a collection of three mobiles and one homephone. No guns. Binoculars. A million cans of Irn Bru. A bottle of blackcurrant. We may be taking this too far, but it’s so fucking fun. We are monitoring the news. We have the zombie guide book online open in a tab. We saw this woman, and she was dead red, sweating really bad, and was throwing up. She was also wobbly, and those are the signs of 5-8 hours in of the zombie infection. Are we stupid? Maybe, but we’re ready. I hope to hear from you soon. If it isn’t a zombie apocolypse, then oh well, who cares if we look stupid, it’s actually really good fun. You should try it (: good luck! Chloe, Nathan, Kris, Tom, Daniel, Jenny + Sean. x
Oh god, Chloe, Nathan, Kris, Tom, Daniel, Jenny, Sean – tomorrow I shall go into mourning for you all, you who so bravely stood against the zombie onslaught with nothing but adrenaline, courage, and neon-orange liquid sugar in your veins. I dare not ask whether you survived the night; I dread the inevitable silence.
I do know that 20 days later the world has not fallen, and because of this I imagine that you have given your lives and have therefore successfully held back the rising hordes.
I will keep my eyes open and my wits sharp. I will stockpile weapons and blackcurrant. You shall not have died in vain – I will carry on your fight, take up the torch you so nobly bore, ensure that the world knows your story.
My blessings upon you all. May you be honoured and worshipped, stalwart soldiers, the vanguard of humanity, the shining armour of life itself.